Things nobody taught me (us) in the parenting course I took:
1. You will be tired. All the time. Naps and afternoon coffee will become your best friend. I think it’s because we didn’t have the infant stage of sleep depravation to go through that I (and girlfriend) are constantly tired. I am drinking way more coffee than I ever did in the past. Yesterday I took a longer drive home from the farm with J to go to Starbucks and get a latte.
2. Wine (or beer or hard alcohol) become a necessity to help with wind down time in the evening. I have never been a huge drinker, but I now feel the need to have just one drink with dinner. It takes the edge off for sure.
3. Drive throughs are god’s gift to parents. (see #1) We ran out of milk yesterday morning and I needed coffee STAT (see #1)…thankfully there was a drive through DD’s on the way home from an appointment. I can’t even imagine what would have happened if I had to get out the car with J and convince him he didn’t need the doughnut. Somehow he believed me that this particular drive-through only sold coffee (and the sandwiches he saw posted on the menu)….
4. Sometimes you are going to fundamentally disagree with therapists. J has an incredibly active imagination. He can make believe almost anything-pirate ships, magicians, robots. The other day GF took him for a walk in the woods while I got to nap (see #1). She made up a whole story about how they were looking for little red riding hood. And they had a fabulous time. When I retold this story to his therapist, she promptly told him (in front of me) that little red riding hood isn’t real. I was stunned. And just sat there in disbelief. WHO CARES??? The kid has the most active imagination of any five year old I have ever met. Now if he still believes in little red riding hood at age 12 or 15, then maybe there’s a problem. Right now though, I don’t care. Luckily I found a sympathetic ear in his social worker, who came over for his first home visit yesterday. She agreed that his imagination was developmentally appropriate and I should take what his therapist says with a grain a salt. “Sometimes they are too clinical.”
5. Although it is sometimes a helpful time to transition over a school vacation, I would not recommend it. The lack of structure and consistency that the school day provides is VITAL to making the transition to a new home work. Of course, ask me next week when I am back at work and he is back in school how it is going….
Lastly….
6. You must reach out to others. You must keep in contact with other adults. You must ask for help when feeling overwhelmed. You must talk about YOUR feelings. And remember to have check ins with your GF about hers. (This is the mantra I have been repeating to myself since Sunday when we all had multiple meltdowns.)